been thinking bout the inbetween

Its not easy being stuck between what is right and what is best. Even though at times they can be one in the same there are other times that they mean two totally different things. Right now for me they mean two different things. I wish they didn't but they do.

I gotta keep trying and keep my head held high because I will get through this and hope to god that I am going to make it to the otherside. I will remember that life has given me an awesome opportunity to get the best schooling and become a therapist after school is over.

I am so scared at times that I am going to fail and my son is going to see that I am the failure that my husband keeps saying that I am. But I know that I'm not. I have been trying so hard to prove that I'm not a failure.

Right now I am typing this bawling my eyes out. I have made a mess of my friendships with a few people. I have lost one completely but they were toxic. Lost another because they don't have balls to stand up to their girlfriend to say she was my friend first and is ONLY a friend. All I have to say wuss and you know what always were. I have another friend that I am patching things up with. Its been rough and right now I just wish I could help them but I can't. Then I have another that surprised me and we are ok now.

Getting rid of the toxic people in my life has helped me tremendously but the fact of the matter I have to wonder if I was part of the reason things were toxic.

I wish to God that I had a better life right now. But I am a full time student putting everything into school and trying so fricking hard to make it through it. I sometimes push myself too hard but other times I procrastinate and I have to find a happy medium. I just wish that there was one right now because there isn't.

I know I am lost on my journey along the path right now. I know its not good to be lost and I wish I knew what my place is here right this moment. I am mom to the most wonderful six year old. Is that all I'm supposed to be right now? Prepping him for the awesome future that he can have?

I just wish there was a happy inbetween.